A leader doesn't have to wear Prada
Here we are, in the middle of 2020. A year that by all means, won’t be forgotten. A lot has changed, and there are undoubtedly a lot more changes to come.
If you do a Google search for “leadership” the majority of images show white men in suits. They are climbing a mountain or rowing the boat with their team; they are pulling some cord or pointing decisively in a direction. There are some women too and some people of color, but let’s be clear, leadership still seems to look like white, middle-aged men at the top of the ladder.
And even now, if we close our eyes and imagine what a leader looks like, they are still wearing a suit, at least sometimes the suit is gorgeous, made by Prada and combined with fabulous high heels. Recent theories are redefining the skill set that a good leader needs, but we are still far from imagining women (the ones that don’t necessarily lead multimillion-dollar international companies) when asked about leadership; even if those women might be the greatest example of having what it takes.
This COVID19 crisis has shown, in a very clear way, how leadership is made of the things that society boost in women:
Emotional intelligence
Networking building
Communication skills
Ability to pivot quickly and often
Resilience.
Women are, by nurture, better equipped at those skills. A lot of time this is for the completely wrong reasons and at a very high price. But we shouldn’t be rejecting those traits in our demand for equality; we should, instead, celebrate them and redefine what leadership means as part of that journey.
We have experienced something unique in the last months. Every leader in the world was tested with the same crisis (of course the circumstances of each country are different), and they all showed what kind of leadership they were made of. Jacinda Ardern, prime minister of New Zealand has been constantly referred as the best worldwide leader dealing with a global pandemic: incredible tangible results, and her country backing her up in one of the most critical times of the recent history. Women account for only 6% of worldwide leaders yet they are at the head of the significant majority of countries that have dealt most efficiently with the situation. We can’t call this coincidence.
I genuinely don’t think that we can call it nature either. We are not born that differently, but society makes us different through the bias, stereotyping and different ways to treat boys and girls, men and women. Small things, like the pictures we get shown when we google “leadership” add up to other millions of little things that send us a very strong message of what things are, who we are. Then we say that it was our choice.
And I don’t need to bore you with data about how those disparities look like (the absurd 1 cent per every 100 that VC invest that goes to women, or the fact that in 2015 fewer women run big companies than men called John) I don’t need to explain how far we are yet from real equality in a lot of arenas, but I am choosing to celebrate the qualities that some of those unfair situations have sparked in us, and I want to encourage us all to keep these skills while we strive for true equality.
Bringing People on Board with Your Vision:
As research shows, women are spoken to more since the moment they are born, and more emotional words are used with them. We are mocked for talking too much, but that is nothing to be ashamed of! That communication is critical. Leadership is about getting people on board with our vision and we can only do that through our storytelling.
Be Authentic:
Women are, at least more than men, socially allowed to cry and have strong feelings; although we are penalised for feeling rage or showing success. We are encouraged to embrace our vulnerability, we can be scared, and we can be in distress (this is actually very desirable in terms of likeability). It feels like feelings are gendered as well.
We need to keep pushing to change the things that we aren’t supposed to feel yet, but the chance to show vulnerability is nothing but a superpower. Because we need to be vulnerable to be good leaders, we need to be in tune with our own emotions to be able to empathise and being scared is normal when you are risk-aware (which doesn’t mean risk-averse), and it helps to make informed decisions on our way out of the comfort zone. We don’t need to be harder, or ruthless; we don’t need to toughen up. Our concept of leadership needs to make peace with its femininity.
Tend to your Network:
We tend to develop better emotional networks than men, despite being constantly pitted against each other. Women are always reminded that they hate women, in case they forget. There is only room for one token woman at the table. Only one queen bee. We all claim(ed) with pride having been a tomboy or only have had friends that were boys because “girls were too complicated”. We are inundated with those messages, yet women always find a way to build support networks, strong friendships, fantastic initiatives (like LWL) with other women. We have sisterhood ingrained in who we are because we recognise each other as one of the same, even if we are told not to. And that is key in leadership, that capacity to build teams around us, because we are only as valuable as our network. As leaders, we are as strong as the sum of the strength of all the people that will pull with us, and that includes every shareholder, every customer, every follower, every member of the staff.
Lean On Your Resiliency:
We are also resilient. We have to be. We learn to live in situations in which resilience is the only option, and we are quicker to pivot, because that “multitasking capacity” lie that we have been sold to as an excuse to get us to do more things, has actually pushed our limits and broadened them. We are wearing too many caps at the same time, most times. Home, people that we care for, work, life admin (normally for the whole household)…all in an exhausting non-stop rhythm in our heads and while making sure we keep every plate turning smoothly. We might need another post to talk about self-care and boundaries, but in the meantime, what an amazing capacity to have as a leader, right?
So, this is what I don’t quite understand. We are praised for all those things, constantly. We are told that we are empathetic, that we are more vulnerable, that we have a great aptitude to care for everyone, we are told that we have an innate capability to multitask and we are given most of the responsibility with the kids (which we all seem to agree that are the most valuable asset in the society and represent the future). We are expected, with a shade of mockery, to talk a lot, to express our feelings. Yet somehow, we are not the first image that comes to people’s mind (or to google) when we think of a leader.
In the society we are building (and 2020 is doing its best to fast-forward everything) we are giving the power back to the people, to small businesses, to the thought leaders, to the minorities (aka anything than differs from the neutral human being - a heterosexual cis white man). We are celebrating new ways to lead countries, and we are choosing to put our money where our mouth is.
I say this is the moment in which womanhood is going to represent what leadership is. But don’t worry, you can still if you chose to, do so wearing a gorgeous suit.
Virginia Mendez, Founder of The Feminist Shop
Your one action for every woman entrepreneur to take this week?
Write a list of the skills that you have and think about what they bring to the table as a leader. Don't focus on what you are missing, but focus on what you have, who you are and how those skills will help you to be the leader you want to be.